In poker, as in life, there are many unwritten rules that govern play. It would be wise to acquaint yourself with them. Here they are, in no particular order.
The Kings Rule: If a player shall be dealt pocket kings, the flop will automatically include an ace. If no ace is available, the flop shall consist of three cards of either suit not present in the players hand or three cards in succession too low to reach the king for a straight at which point the dufus in seat 3 shall begin to drool and giggle.
The Dufus Rule: If a dufus is present at your table, he will be involved in every hand you choose to play. He will catch every runner in hands led by you. He will cheerfully give away your money to every other player on the table, along with large quantities of his own. He will consistently call you by names not belonging to you. He will explain his logic in chasing you down as he is stacking chips recently in your possession. As he pays the waitress for his drinks he will announce, each and every time, “this one’s on Bob over there” while firing a wink in your direction.
The All In Rule: Any player who decides to wait “one more hand” before re-buying chips, and consequently goes all-in before a flop, shall be dealt a straight flush on that flop. The player shall be forced to watch the six way action after the board pairs.
The Queens Rule: Any player in a no limit tournament, who has shown great patience through two hours of 3/8 off, shall be dealt pocket queens. If there are 3 calls before he is to act, he shall go all in. The player to his immediate left, also the chip leader, shall quickly call with his pocket aces. If there are no calls before the player is to act, he shall raise the pot at which point every other player shall fold. The players next hand shall consist of 3/8 off. If this is an on-line tournament, there shall be five callers before the flop which shall consist of a queen and two jacks. The player shall then lose his connection.
The Nut Flush Rule: Any player dealt an ace and another card of the same suit shall receive two more cards of that suit on the flop. The player will call the capped bet. The turn card will fill the nut flush and the bet shall be capped again. At this point the ป๊อกเด้ง ไฮโล player shall mentally calculate the size of the pot and determine that it will put him on front street, or at the very least, back to even for the day. The river shall pair the board. If the player calls the capped bet, he shall finish fourth. If the player wisely folds, the dufus shall turn over his winning flush.
The Big Blind Rule: A players big blind shall occasionally consist of pocket aces. The player shall immediately look for the dufus, who has gone to the washroom. All other players, including the loose cannon playing the small blind, shall fold. If the players big blind consists of a three and an eight, the flop shall be an ace a three and an eight. The player shall skillfully check-raise the “rock” in seat five, removing the other players and leaving himself and the obvious holder of the ace. The turn shall be a four and the players bet shall be called by the “rock”. The river shall be another four. If the players big blind consists of a jack and a ten, seat five, the “rock”, shall raise. If the player folds, the flop shall be queen, king and ace. If the player calls, the flop shall be ace, ace and king.
The Too Many Outs Rule: In the event a player finds himself in a hand with seven way action, he shall be holding the queen and king of spades. The flop shall consist of the ten and jack of spades and the queen of hearts. The bet shall be capped. The turn shall be the queen of clubs. The bet shall again be capped. The river will be the deuce of spades. Again the bet shall be capped. The dufus shall giggle as he turns over pocket deuces and rakes in a mountain of chips.
The Flop Lag Rule: After any hand a player is involved in, where the pot eventually reaches twenty times the big bet, the next flop shall consist of the cards required in the last hand to have given said player the uncatchable nuts. The player shall moan, roll his eyes and whine to his neighbour.
These are just a few that come to mind. Your mother will tell you that they make you a better, stronger person. I say horse manure. They make you bitter and poor.
If you’ve got one I missed, please send it along. My buddy, Al Spath, suggested I add The Bathroom Rule, but I think, technically, it belongs in the ‘rules of life’ book, not poker.